Moving On

I was on Facebook the other day and there was an influx of updates of people who were graduating with doctorates.  It makes sense since it’s been a few years since college.  There’s a new crop of Drs. and JDs.  It made me sit back in my chair.  A bunch of folks I knew in college are now doctors.  Other folks are moving into houses they’ve bought, my childhood best friend is getting married, it makes me think about where I am.

I don’t regret the route I’ve taken.  I’m generally happy and feel lucky for how my life has been developing.  Since college, every year has been better than the one before.  But still, seeing where everyone else is makes me reflect.  I’m working really hard, but these community development shenanigans are slow going.  I organize, teach, and dig in the dirt, but I feel like I spend most of my time picking sheep turds out of the treads of my boots.  It’s going to take me years to get my master’s degree.  When I come back, I’ll be way too poor to afford a house anytime soon.  I’m single and my best prospects are the fellows that yell and stare at me on the street.  I’m not sure what I want to be when I grow up.  But I think that’s ok.

I think I was a late bloomer.  I had a good time at Villanova and made friends I’ll keep forever, but it wasn’t a place that cultivated the best parts of me.  Going out west changed a lot for me.  It turns out I love farming!  And spending most of the day outside!  And there are other people who like the exact things I like!  It was crazy to find out.  I still can’t get over that I had friends who would forgo staying out late on Friday to get up early and go hiking or skiing with me on Saturday.  In June, I’m going to a 3 day bicycle maintenance workshop.  I really enjoy doing things with my hands, but never had much of an opportunity to learn when I was younger.  Now I’ll be able to take care of my own bike!  Little things like that feel so good to me. 

I’m mystified by and a little jealous of folks who knew what they wanted to be since they were little.  It seems so much easier.  Though it is dangerous.  What if something goes against the plan?  But all those newly minted doctors probably wanted to be that since childhood. 

It seems like I just have to keep following my windy path and try not to compare myself to folks zipping along on their highways.  I hope that it’ll lead me to meaningful work and a loving partner and family one day.  Maybe not.  Though it hasn’t led me astray so far.