Wow-Wows and You: A Beginners Guide to Doggie Defense in Peru

There are lots of scary dogs in the Peruvian countryside. 

Many are threatening.

And sometimes they attack. 

In truth, some of the dogs around are real assholes.  I just don’t have pictures of them because I’m usually busy trying not to get eaten when I meet them.   Thankfully, there are steps you can take to avoid being a victim.

The first and most important thing is to put on your BAMF face. 

You need to believe that you are the baddest thing on the pampa.  The more confident you are, the less of a target you become.  Would you try to harass this lady? 

Didn’t think so. 

Second, if your badassery doesn’t do the trick and you are charged by a threatening dog, it’s good to have some artillery backup.

3 stones are ideal.  The first stone is small and serves as a warning.  If the dog continues to approach, throw the medium stone to show that you mean business.  The third stone should be as large as you can comfortably carry in your pocket and is to be used only in worse-case scenarios; when it’s hurt-or-be-hurt.

If for some reason you didn’t follow the steps in this guide and find yourself being menaced and without rocks or a tough-guy face, you can do the emergency fake-out.  The general rule is that there are rocks everyplace.  In your path, your garden, your quinoa, everywhere.  Except, of course, when you need one.  If you are being attacked and rockless, you can stoop down and pretend to pick one up.  Most aggressive dogs have rocks thrown at them frequently, and this maneuver will often make them stop short.  The risk is that you bend down and put your face more into biting range if the gambit doesn’t pay off.

This concludes the beginner’s guide to not getting chomped.  Walk tall, fill your pockets, and you’ll be alright.