Love Is All You Need

I have been a bit worried about the state of my heart and what will happen to it after these two years in Peru.  It´s been through a lot in the brief time I´ve been here.  I had enormous feelings of loss for the people I left at home and the realtionships that have been lost or diminished or put on pause.  Here there is a tricky balance between being guarded to strangers and keeping my heart open to opportunity and good people.  Animals drop left and right and it seems foolish to get attached.  There have been times when I´ve had to steel myself inside to get over things and to the next day intact.  I was worried how this practice would leave me at the end.  Being a cold person with a closed heart is one of the most terrifying things I can imagine. 

But I have hope because I´ve fallen wrecklessly, stupidly in love again.  With this guy. 

This is the puppy my family found.  I decided it was too cold for him to be sleeping outside and now he sleeps with me in my sleeping bag.  It´s only been two nights, but I´m taken with him.  I´ve bought him dog food and toys.  He follows me around tail wagging and sits in my lap while I read.  I think our relationship is based mostly on body heat exchange at this point, but it´ll evolve. 

I knew my heart was ok after talking with my host mom this morning.  The puppy has been getting skinnier this week and she said that he´ll likely die soon.  My heart immediately plummeted beneath my stomach and I knew I loved him already despite my better judgement.  I´m out on a mission in town right now to get him medicine and more food.  I think my host mom was exaggerating and it´s likely that they just don´t feed him enough.  I´ve just started feeding him extra since he´s been sleeping with me.  I´m going to do my best and hopefully he´ll be ok. 

But I know my heart will be ok.  I think it was just hiding for a while in self-defense.  Living my life with love and believing that loving somebody is worth any negative consequences that could come from it have been things I consider important to my character.  I don´t think I´ll lose them.  Even if the puppy dies, I´ll love him now and love other things later.  It´s a horrible cliche, but it´s true that it´s better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all.  I´m really glad I feel that way again now.

My family named him Rex, which isn´t working for me.  If I get to keeep him, it´ll change to Huckleberry.  I´m hoping for the best.