That’ll Do

The Peace Corps has been a great exercise in learning to give myself a break.  I’ve always had high expectations for myself and I’ve found that time and again, for one reason or another, I can’t live up to them here. 

I often compare myself to the Stasia that worked on the farm in Montana over the summer.  I’d wake up at 5am, go for a 45 minute run, then work in the fields all day.  And I felt awesome.  I was really peaceful and content and tuckered out in the evening, but ready to do it again by the time I woke up at dawn the next day.

I don’t have that kind of energy in me right now.  Last week augmented the situation because I didn’t eat a good meal or sleep a full night the whole time and was emotionally wrung-out.  I’m still recovering from that.  But I find I have the energy to do one productive activity well.  Yesterday, I slept until 7:30, taught healthy cooking class, then came home at lunch and took a nap.  I put my fuzzy fleece pants on at 5pm.  I haven’t had the energy to exercise much at all recently.  I went to make myself a salad for dinner last night, but my stomach looked at the spinach and declared that it wasn’t up to that digestive work, so I had a piece of bread with avocado instead.  I don’t feel depressed, just a lack of energy.

Even though I’m not doing very much, it’s the best I can do at the moment.  Summer Stasia would be very disappointed, but I’m trying to be gentler to myself and am in a completely different situation.  At the farm, I was in lovely sunshine, had a ton of good friends not far away, and was being fed the most nutritious diet I’ve ever had.  I don’t have any of that going on here.  It’s the rainy season and often unpleasant to go outside.  Before I came here, I thought the loneliness was exaggerated.  I figured that people are people and I could make friends with Peruvians just as easily as Americans.  For some reason, that’s just not the case.  And I’ve said enough about my diet for you to know that it can’t compare to local organic vegetables and elk steak. 

I think it’ll get better with time.  It just takes longer here than it would elsewhere.  Once I get caught up on sleep and vitamins, I’ll want to run again.  The weather and my relationships will only get better from here.  I feel that I still have the lightness and energy inside me.  I don’t think Peruvian Stasia will be as vibrant as farm Stasia, but that’s ok.  Learning to be easier on myself feels like an important step in growing up.  Soon enough I’ll be ready to push hard on new projects and talk to everyone and climb mountains.  Until then, I’ll try not to begrudge myself some good naps.    

I watched these videos today and they made me really happy.  In May, there was an elaborate surprise baby shower for my cousin and my Unlce Jim flew me to Philly from Montana to surprise my family.  I`m pretty sure I have the coolest family ever and feel so lucky to be a part of it.

 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VgsglapVtDg
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iT3A6n_6cBY&feature=related