Domestic Violence

A little while ago, I finished up the vertical garden planting with the preschool kids.  This guy was very into his flower, helpful, sweet, and attentive, which are all remarkable qualities in a 4 year old. 

I noticed that he was putting dirt into his bottle very gingerly and I asked him if everything was ok.  He said, “When I get my clothes dirty, my mom hits me.” 

That broke my heart, and it took me a moment to recover and say, “Ok, then we’ll be very careful.”  

Unfortunately, hitting kids is a common form of discipline here in Peru.  It creates problems later because violence becomes the only discipline that kids pay attention to.  I encounter more classroom management issues than the average Peruvian teacher because I won’t hit my students with a stick.  I won’t lie, some demonic 15 year olds have sorely tempted me, but I ultimately don’t have it in me. 

Putting a sweet, 4 year old face on the problem is the saddest part.  I hope that getting hit at home won’t make him angry or cruel.  

I brought the conversation back home to my host family.  I was sitting in the kitchen with my host mom and dad and my mamita told me that papito had only hit her once.  It was early in their marriage, my host mom had her first baby and she couldn’t get him to stop crying and started crying herself, so my host dad hit her.  She said that she threatened to leave him and the baby, and it never happened again.  I was surprised that it had happened because my host dad is an inherently nice and gentle guy and I’d never ever want to cross my host mom.  Once is still too many times for me, but it’s better than a lot of other Peruvian marriages.

Luckily, the ubiquity of domestic violence is diminishing with the generations.  My host brother, Percy, has a longtime girlfriend named Yessie.  Yessie’s mom tells Percy that he should hit her if she isn’t subservient enough, doesn’t have his lunch ready on time, etc.  Thankfully, Percy thinks that’s crazy.  He loves Yessie, a strong woman who would never put up with that.  Even my host mom found the idea laughable.  It’s becoming less acceptable to beat your wife or children as society modernizes and human rights become more important.  Westernization and acculturation have many negative effects, but getting rid of some cultural baggage is the silver lining.